Gunner

My beautiful baby boy, you are the light that keeps me going each and every day.  I wanted you so badly, and I loved you from the moment you existed inside of me.

Out of all that has happened over the last year, you are the only good.  I selfishly needed you to make my heart whole.  Words cannot even describe the unconditional love I feel for you.

I look in your eyes and feel breathless that I created you and you are mine.  You tug on my heart strings when you wrap your little fingers around mine and I smile hearing you say "momma" or "mom."

Mommy will protect you forever.  The day you were born was the day you brought so much purpose into my life.  In all that I am now, it begins and ends with you.

Baby boy we have spent so many sleepless nights together.  I won't ever forget how for the first week of your life you didn't sleep unless I was holding you and you could hear my heartbeat.

I was so tired but so incredibly happy, because of you.  Even on the worst days when I was struggling to get by, you gave me strength.

Being a mommy means constant worrying.  I worry about you all day, everyday.  I worry about the life I have given you.  I worry about you being safe and having your needs met when I am not with you; which breaks my heart.

I see you growing and reaching milestones.  You are so close to walking and I keep fighting back tears thinking of all the changes.

Please stay little a little longer.  No matter how old you get, you are my baby boy.  I just want to go back and hold you cradled in my arms again.

I love you. I love you. I love you.